As communication is important in every field, it also forms the basis of the rapprochement and understanding between the father and the child. In order for the child to understand life and distinguish between right and wrong, the communication between the father, who is taken as a guide and who is the authority, must be healthy. But how? Saying that this is not as difficult as we think, Psk. Kübra Uğurlu says, “In order to establish a simple and healthy relationship between father and child, we should listen to our child as carefully as we listen to an adult, make eye contact and give feedback on what he/she tells, and make him feel that we are trying to understand him.”
From the moment they are born, children begin to understand, make sense of and learn about life. In the period we call infancy, children establish a relationship with nonverbal communication. Ps. Kübra Uğurlu draws attention to the fact that since this period, the child tries to share his communication with his father with facial expressions, sounds and reactions. Underlining that the fastest way for children to learn is ‘learning by seeing’, Psk. Uğurlu continues: “In other words, it is inevitable that fathers’ behaviors towards their children, their teachings, and their children’s life experiences begin to take their place. As a father, if you want to prepare your child for the future and teach the right thing, you must do this starting from your own behavior.”
No authority is established over the child out of fear or lovelessness.
Ps. Kübra Uğurlu describes the two major mistakes in the father-child relationship as follows: “Even though I don’t show my love, she knows how much I love her” and “If I don’t show my love too much, she will respect me or not be spoiled” thoughts are unfortunately wrong. Loving your child and making him feel it physically strengthens his sense of approval and acceptance, positively affecting his life and human relations as a more loving individual.
The feeling of being loved and approved is among the most important needs of human beings since their existence. In an environment where the child knows that he/she is loved, understood and has a voice, he/she attains the power to provide autonomy, that is, a healthy separation, and turns into an individual who expresses himself/herself more comfortably while preparing for life. Also, fear or lovelessness can be seen as an authority. You can set boundaries for the child, but these should not be non-negotiable boundaries that do not allow the child to speak. For example, instead of saying ‘Don’t do this’, you can offer the child a choice about anything. In this way, you can make him take responsibility for his positive or negative behavior and understand that he is the person who will be affected as a result. But you cannot do that out of fear or lovelessness.”
Practice the behavior you want to bring him in first.
Underlining that the advice given in the community or deciphering the child’s mistakes can cause distrust between the father and the child, Psk. Kübra Uğurlu said, “The advice given in the community can actually lead to a devastating loss of trust, a sense of guilt in the child and anger towards the father. It should not be forgotten that; a father who wants to bring his child into society; He should first implement the behaviors he tells and want to bring to his child. Otherwise, an atmosphere of conflict may occur for the child and the teachings you give against the issues you prepare for life may lose value.”
The time that father and child spend together strengthens the bond between them.
Ps. Uğurlu also draws attention to the fact that children who are neglected by their fathers can experience an emotional and spiritual collapse while struggling with daily rushes, work, life, marriage and living conditions. Stating that in this case, the child may be in a state of anger and resentment against the father and the father-child relationship may be shaken, Psk. For this reason, Uğurlu reminds that the father must spend time with the child and be willing to do quality activities with him. Emphasizing that the quality time that father and child will spend together will strengthen the bond between them, Psk. Uğurlu continues his words as follows: “Loving, taking time, giving importance, trying to understand him will help your child move into a better adulthood in the future and will strengthen the bonds between you. To leave a loving life to our children, who are our future; We should raise our children in a loving environment and make them feel loved.”